02nd July 2015 - Grrrrrrr

Its been a while my lovelies, and I apologise........

One incompetent broadband provider has decided that we no longer require the internet. I won't mention names, but it starts with an 'S' and ends in a 'Y'.......Yeah, like, Y the hell do I bother to pay your ridiculous prices when I can't even use the internet?

Esmé has driven us up the wall because she hasn't been able to watch Frozen on a certain internet channel due to the fact its 'frozen' in internet time.  Give me strength!

So...... you have had a good few days without me you lovely lot, bet you missed me didn't you? OK, maybe not!

Well, I have managed to procure a compost bin for our allotment whilst I've been offline. Courtesy of our Auntie Tina the little gem that she is.  Although, with the amount of weeds, bolted plants and other crap flora we have up-heaved from the allotment when we first took it over, we will probably need a 'compost skip' rather than bin, as Melissa put it.

We have had lovely hot weather the last few days, sometimes reaching 28 degrees, however, work has not been so kind.  As I said before, I work in a customer service centre, a living nightmare I like to think of it lately (its not always like that though).  Seriously, where do people get the time to witter on about bull for 45 minutes without an ounce of respect for the person (yes we are people - not robots) on the end of the line. Jeesh!  Sorry for the rant beauts, bad day!

Due to all the above I have been too much of a sweaty, stressy Betty to cook *sad face*.

Now although the weather has cooled a little, and after a more hellish day than usual at the office, I am hankering for the sanctuary of my kitchen. So, here is the recipe for the culinary wonder that is tonight's tea........

Lamb Burgers with Polenta Chips and Tomato, Basil & Mozzerella Salad

500g Lamb Mince
25g breadcrumbs
1 tsp finely chopped fresh rosemary
2 small garlic cloves (finely chopped)
Zest of 1 lemon
Handful of chopped mint leaves
1 Egg
Salt and pepper
Pack of ready made polenta
2-3 vine tomatoes
1 ball mozzarella
a handful of basil leaves
rapeseed or Extra Virgin olive oil

Mix the lamb mince, breadcrumbs, rosemary, garlic, lemon zest, mint and egg together with a scrunch of salt and pepper. Once combined, shape into 4-6 burgers.

Cut the polenta into chips and arrange on a baking sheet with a good drizzling of oil. Put these into a pre-heated (180c fan oven) for about 30 minutes.


While the chips are cooking, prepare the salad, I layer it tomato, mozzarella,  basil, tomato, mozzarella basil.....you get the idea!  Then drizzle the salad with oil and sprinkle on seasoning to your taste.

Leave the salad to get to room temperature and whilst this is being done, cook those burgers. they will want about 15-20 mins on a med-high heated frying pan.

By the time your burgers are ready, the polenta chips should also be done and you are ready to serve and relish!

Love Lauren x

Laundry is the devil.

Now, as Georgie knows, I am a little OCD when it comes to a clean house, and most days I whip around the kitchen with a vacuum, mop and cloth, whilst I tell myself I am the perfect housewife!  I don't have much clutter as I can't stand to see it, everything generally has it's proper place.

But my downfall...the laundry.  Its like my own personal Kryptonite.


I DESPISE LAUNDRY.  And every week I say to myself, 'I'll do a load a day, that'll make my life so much easier'  And I say it like I've had some sort of especial epiphany.. There is nothing quite like deluding yourself.  Every week, needless to say, I look at the veritable mountain of stuff and think 'I really should've done this, like I told myself last week' *SIGH*  It's like bloody Groundhog Week in our house.

I'll let you in on a little secret, I gave up ironing 4 years ago.  What is the point in ironing stuff that's going to get creased again anyway?  And if you are one of these people who irons pants, you really need another hobby or come and see me I'll knock some sense into you, I have a Pressure Cooker you know.  If him upstairs asked me to iron pants I'd probably would throw the iron at him.  Then again, if he asked me to iron I'd probably would laugh.

Here's the thing, before children (or slugs as I sometimes call them as they leave a mess wherever they go), I had hardly any laundry, hey I even DID the ironing.  Now?! 

Well last week for instance...

1. Every towel in the house had been used - I find this slightly impossible, but hey you can't argue with fact.
2. I found I was washing clean stuff the kids couldn't be bothered to put away or what they like to call 'tidied up'
3. I found myself washing the things that I couldn't be bothered to put away that the kids couldn't be bothered to put away/tidied up.
4. I had piles of clean washing in lovely neat piles on my bed. They got removed from the bed every night then got put back on the bed in the morning.  That literally went on for 4 days.
5. I washed two blankets 8 times on a delicate wash, because I forgot about them 8 TIMES.
6. Oliver's pile of washing was 3 times the size of everybody elses?  He wears school uniform most of the week, I still can't work this out.  God help in the summer hols...EEK.
7. Everyday there was a new pair of dirty socks rolled into little balls in the sitting room, usually stuffed down the side of the sofa.  Thanks Ava.

I know I shouldn't moan, him upstairs works full time.  Things like the laundry and housework I should be on top of.  Which is all well and good.

Until something like this happens...

And I lose the will...I could've quite easily buried him under the patio and been done for mariticide if he was in the house.  However, after calming down, I have come to the following 3 conclusions as to why this keeps happening:

1. He is a man
2. Stupidity
3. All of the above

Still, I have achieved the impossible this week and its only Tuesday, it's all done every last bit is freshly laundered and I hasten to add, put away.

Now onto picking the slugs up from school, providing an evening meal for the vultures and not sitting down til 9pm!  A woman's work is never done ;)  Such fun!

Love Melissa x

Rose-petal Jam

Ok all, this is going to be another experiment.

The Elderflower Champagne was an unmitigated success - although I've noticed that people are very wary if you mention it's 'homemade'- I can't imagine why. After all even the shop bought stuff has to be made somewhere. No, it doesn't just magically appear on the shelves and yes, milk does come from cows and yes,chips are actually made from potatoes that once grew in the soil. Anyway, going back to the champagne, my greatest comment was from my sister's 'very cool' boyfriend Theo:

Ha! To all you sceptics out there - "like a special shop bought one!!" So you should definitely give it a go as it was so easy.

Find the recipe here: Elderflower Champagne




Right, so back to today's experiment. My roses by our front door are in full bloom and I love them. So, obviously, I have chosen a recipe that will destroy them. Well not really but possibly. Wild roses are recommended in the recipe but mine are ornamental with small petals, so hopefully they will melt OK!

Rose-petal Jam

 First thing is first, you will need:

2 cups of wild rose petals (crammed down fairly tightly), I felt terribly guilty picking our roses but as you can see there are still plenty of flowers left).
2 cups of sugar
1 cup of water
1tbs lemon juice
1 tbs orange juice

This a Turkish recipe from the book Food For Free by Richard Mabey.

1. Dissolve the sugar in the water and add the lemon juice and the orange juice.
2. Make sure the rose petals are free of insects - I removed 2 money spiders from mine - woo hoo! Also remove any withered petals.
3. Stir the petals into the liquid and put the pan over a very low heat. Stir continuously for about 30 minutes or until all the petals have 'melted'. 

   

   I love my jam thermometer!

   
   
   
   (If you have a jam thermometer setting point is at 105 degrees Celsius yes I know I went over - oops!) Or just do the wrinkle test on a cold saucer. What ever takes your fancy.
4. Cool a little, put into a small glass jar and cover. Now comes the really boring bit of waiting for the jam to cool enough to try it on some toast.......I'll let you know what it tastes like tomorrow! 

Hopefully I won't poison the children... oh dear I'll have to try it first, what a chore.....

Good Luck!

 Georgie xx

26 June 2015 - Piri Piri Chicken

Its been a busy old week. Work is hectic, Esmé had her pre-school jabs, which she took quite well....surprisingly! I just had a small murmur of 'mummy, it hurts'.

However, later in the day, after I went to collect her from nursery, she came running out to the playground, tripped and grazed her knee......Christ alive! You would think someone had chopped her limbs off the way she screamed. Still a lesson is learned - Esmé is hard as iron when it comes to needles but, an absolute pansy when it comes to skin grazes.

So, its time to get to mine and Melissa's parents house (in case no one has realised - Melissa is my older sister....... Ha! take that Mel 'older'). They are currently away and I have been tasked with the watering of their plants until they're back.  Dave has stock take at work meaning he has been late home every night this week but even more so tonight (probably 10-11pm). I've barely had time for the allotment since Tuesday so I'll make up for this with a good few hours in the morning.

Since Dave is working late I've had to contend with Esmé on my own, so, I wanted to shout out to all you single parents out there......its a bloody hard job - hats off to you, I don't think I could do it on my own full time!

Anyway, since I've finally got mad madam mimm to bed, its time for tea. I'm cooking for one.......is there any point?


NO!

Pizza, Onion Rings, Cheesey Jalapeno Bites and Garlic Mushrooms!

Yes, I do eat 'brown food' (aka crap) occasionally, and I'm telling you that there is nothing wrong with it now and again.......Everything in moderation as my Grandpa used to say!

Well, I would surmise that no-one really wants to know how I cooked my frozen, brown, bad for you dinner so I will share last nights meal with you instead.

Here you go my beauts......


Piri Piri Chicken with Bean and Rice Salad.

1 Whole Chicken
2 red chillis 
2 garlic cloves
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
2 tsp smoked paprika
1 tbsp rapeseed oil
2 handfuls of parsley
50-75g of rice - cooked
1 can of borlotti beans
half a red pepper chopped
half a green pepper chopped
a handful of cherry tomatoes (halved)
3-4 spring onions chopped
Juice of 1 lime
1 tsp of cajun spice
another 1/2 tbsp rapeseed oil


Take the backbone out of the chicken (this is real easy but you can find 'how to's' on you tube). Turn the chicken over and press down so that it is splayed. Ta Dah! you have a spatchcocked chicken..

With a food blender, whizz the chillis, garlic, and 1/2 the parsley. Add the paprika, vinegar and oil and whizz some more until you get a nice runnyish (yes, its not a word but I like it) paste.

Rub this mixture all over the chicken and leave to marinade as long as you can within reason (I only had an hour)

Whack the chilli bad boy chicken in a pre-heated oven (180 fan) for an hour 1/2. once cooked, take out to rest for 20 mins.

In the mean time, put the rice, beans, peppers, tomatoes and spring onions into a bowl. in a separate bowl whisk the lime juice, cajun spice and oil then add to the salad and mix....

Once the chicken has rested, carve and serve alongside the salad.....





















Enjoy!

Love Lauren x

Sourdough Bread - FAIL #2

Perfect Prove?

So, the second try of Sourdough Bread was an unmitigated disaster, go figure.

I loaded the dough onto a baking sheet for the final hour's prove, in the words of Miranda - what I like to call, the perfect prove >>>

Hastily, knife sliced 'bread'

HA!  In the 'recipe' they have a perfect looking loaf.  My perfectly proved dough however, spread out!  Filling the sheet like that self levelling concrete you can buy.  I was too embarrassed to take a photo of that, (Lauren saw it, in all its depressed glory)  so, I hastily gathered it into a bread shape gave it some knife stripes - as per the recipe and chucked it in the oven for 25 minutes.



Hey Presto!

I have achieved the probable!  Another giant bread biscuit, that could withstand Napalm.

Giant inedible biscuit

And so, after I cut a slice, with the resident hand saw, tried it, got lockjaw and promptly proclaimed it...inedible.  I can safely say that your family and children are safe! Phew!   Although I can't say the same for the local recycling centre (tip, as we know it)  Good luck with that fellas...

I am however NOT DEFEATED!

I will rise from the burnt on crusty bits, I will elevate my bread making into something never seen before...

In other words, Sour dough can go suck my proverbial.  Onto real bread...

YOU MAY TAKE MY KNEADING

YOU MAY TAKE MY BAKING

BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY...

Bread that's edible.

Bit of an anticlimax,


Still, if ever the military run out of ideas, I have the perfect bomb shelter recipe.

Catch you later with my 'normal bread' recipe, with any luck!

Love Melissa x

Sourdough Bread try #2 - July 1st 2015

Now I have tried and failed to make homemade bread countless times.  I am beginning to think that bread making and I do not mix, pardon the pun.

Maybe I am setting my standards too high, I have this image in my head of producing the most gorgeous, rustic tasty loaf day after day, whilst at the same time being able to do some flower arranging, paint a masterpiece and provide a delicious evening meal for when my darling husband and delightful, clean children come home, because in that alternate universe I am a Stepford Wife.

Well that's the dream, the reality of the matter is I suck so bad at making bread that my beautiful rustic loaf either comes out like a giant biscuit or like a gone wrong mushroom cloud.  Sometimes the loaf is so hard you could literally build a bomb shelter out of it, no joke.  All this whilst trying to keep on top of the mountain of laundry, clean up yogurt from the floor, worktop and walls, scrape toothpaste off the side of bathroom sink, pick up grotty underwear, knock something together to stop the sprogs gnawing the furniture when they come home black as the road...the list goes on.

The 'starter'

I am throwing caution to the wind!!  Those pants are just going to have to stay there!  Welded on weetabix?  Not today brother!  I am going to have another bash at sourdough bread,  I have had the starter 'yeasting' away for 24 hours, and it kinda smells like a brewery.

The recipe - yes the RECIPE folks - I am using was in this April's edition of the BBC Good Food magazine http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/cheats-sourdough I was so excited I started straight away, and ended up with a baked giant splat, even the kids looked at me stupid when I told them it was bread.  And I hasten to add, it looked nothing like the picture.  As I said recipes aren't my strongest suit.  Still onwards and upwards!

All ready to prove

Other supermarket bags are available

So I did everything according to the recipe, made starter - Check, weighed out flour, measured water - Check, mixed everything together - Check.

Now what this recipe doesn't tell you is how you are supposed to knead for 5-7 minutes the big ball of floury goop which sticks to every surface like bloody glue.  Honestly if you put wall paper up with this stuff it ain't never coming off...ever.  I did my very best to knead the dough but ended up spreading it over the work top with doughy hands that looked looked like the elephant man had an accident in the bread factory.  In the end, in true Melissa style, I chucked it in the bowl and covered it, I have, as good timing would have it, run out of cling film hence the carrier bag.

I'll check back with the results, ooo I am on tenterhooks!

Love Melissa x

Country Living anyone???

OK, so here's the thing. I really want that dream house with the cream/white finishings, a splash of colour here and there, a place for everything and everything in it's place. You know, the sort of thing you see in the Country Living magazines and Antique specials where one reads about how wonderful Supermum keeps her brood of children, husband and smallholding in a perfect state of immaculateness (is that a word?!) while the children grow up in the countryside playing in streams and somehow never getting their clothes dirty. Oh and said Supermum has a fantastic career (and income) to boot?
      

My Inspriration

Cow.

No I'm not jealous AT ALL.

This is because I KNOW it is all a farce. No one can actually live like that. I'm sure of it. I am sure secretly we are all muddling through and there is no way their houses actually stay like that all the time. I can imagine in reality the week before the magazine was due to visit said Supermum running the riot act about the house being photographed " for xxxxx Magazine and no you can't leave that mug there....". The night before being a mad rush of tidying and the actual morning being a frenzy of breakfast, children bundled off to school and a final whizz around with the hoover. Ha. And of course the massive relief once they've gone and the whole family can begin to live again. No I am not jealous, BUT here's the point. Even though most of us know it's not really real, we still all yearn for these 'perfect' houses. I know I do.

My problem is this. I am not a perfectionist and I do not have OCD. Unfortunately. No seriously, I think just a little would be a good thing. Then my house would never get into This State:

The dreaded Girls room - eek!

Here is the truth of the matter: I will do ANYTHING to put off cleaning my house. (But I do still like it clean!). Today is an excellent example. The house is a bomb (how did we all end up with so many clothes???!), but instead of cleaning it (like Melissa would ha ha) so far today I have:

1. Chatted for 1/2 hour outside the school gates
2. Driven to a friends house to see if she was in and have a catch up. She was out so....
3. Driven into town to meet with a Toddler playgroup who I believed were meeting in an activity centre. As it turned out I was wrong. So after half an hour....
4. Drove home with Xavier and washed the dog - as I said - ANYTHING to avoid the housework! Then....
5. Oh OK I did start on the kitchen and dining room but then Xavier needed a bottle. So my mini cleaning spree ended as he refuses to drink it and fall asleep unless I hold him. (Yes I know I need to get tough but I still haven't).
6. Woo hoo he's asleep now so I could be carrying on with the cleaning but no. Instead I thought I'd write to all of you. I am the BEST procrastinator lol.

I suppose I'd better get on now though.... Georgie xx